Portrait of a Godly Wife‏, Part 3

This post has been very difficult for me to write because it has caused me to be introspective and examine my own helping role. During creation, God pronounced everything that he created GOOD but in Genesis 2:18 God himself  said that it was NOT GOOD for man to be alone. God then provided a helpmate for man. That idea is incredible to me because it shows that our husbands NEED us. This changes my perspective on why I feel my husband should be able to do everything on his own. The truth is he cannot do everything on his own. If he did not need me, God would not have said that it was not good for him to be alone. This revelation fills me with pride. Not negative pride in the sense that my husband is useless without me but rather that God chose me, a short, opinionated, sinful and controlling woman to meet a need in his beloved son. It then becomes a privilege to serve my God in this way.

The question then is how do I help my husband? It is important to mention here that, when God made his pronouncement he said  a helpmate SUITABLE for him. Every husband is different and needs vary, we are thus to respond appropriately. We must first examine what our husband's  needs are and then try to meet those needs as a helper. Our tendency as human beings is to do things for others that we would want to be done for us. This concept doesn't always work in marriage, so we have to careful not to miss the mark when we make the effort to be helpers.

A helper is someone who assists and contributes to the fulfillment of a goal. A helper is not a leader but rather helps the leader to fulfil the goals for the group, in this case the family unit. I know this brings about the issue of submission,  a word that has been twisted by society to be an ugly thing. We think to submit is to be tyrannically dominated. That is so far from the truth. First of all, a group with two leaders hardly gets anything done. Conflicts, pride and egos get in the way. God in his infinite wisdom provided a beautiful plan for our families that was supposed to be bring about peace not strife. He commanded the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Now how did Christ love the church? He gave up everything for the church including his life. So the next time we think we got the short end of the stick, let's take a moment to appreciate the responsibility and burden that rests on our husbands shoulders (Eph 5:22-33, NIV).

I think it is also important to mention that, our identity in Christ is an integral part of becoming Godly wives. We cannot become what we are not. Therefore we try in vain if we do not at first have a relationship with God and ask him to make our homes what he ordained them to be ( Psalm 127:1). God is so gracious that he will build up our house if we ask him. It is his will for us to live in him.


Here are some things to consider;

1. Do I view helping my husband as a privilege or burden?
2. Do I know what my husband's needs are? If you are unsure, you can always ask. For example  you can say "what could I do for you that would make you the happiest? Or how would you like me to care for you?" If you unable to get any answers for whatever reason, think back on things that you have done for  your spouse that brought them joy.
3. Also take a moment to ask God to build up your house if you have never asked him, he will surely do it!

Portrait of Godly Wife, Part 2

I am excited to post this. After Part 1 of being a Godly wife, I thought the next thing to write on would be whom exactly a Godly wife is but, alas there is something else we must cover before we move on. You see several years ago a couple of close friends and I did a study on Proverbs 31 and one of them made a poignant observation. The husband of the woman described in Proverbs 31 was seemingly a respectable and Godly man (Prov 31:23), he was well known and a leader. For many of us a man with such qualities is what we desire, but if we are striving to be Godly women it stands that our husbands are also striving to be Godly men. 


The truth is, God calls us to be Godly in spite of our husbands (1 Peter 3:1). Many of us look at that verse as winning over our unsaved husbands, but actually it can refer to any husband who is not fulfilling the Godly role that God has called him to. The part that really gets to me is where it talks about influencing our husbands without words. I heard a sermon about this recently and I was stunned! I have read over that verse several times and the phrase ".... without words"  had never resonated with me. Here is the verse in full 1 Peter 3:1; Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives (NIV).


What is the first thing we do when we 'think' that we would like to change something in our husbands? We talk to them about it. If the behavior persists, we reiterate our initial query and wait. If there is still no change, our poor coping habits rear their ugly heads. For me it is pouting, the silent treatment or going into what I call the 'superwoman' mode ( It's fine if you don't change because I don't need you to anyway, I'm strong enough to handle everything on my own). I do not know what your coping mechanisms are, but anything apart from taking it to God and leaving it with him is a SIN we must repent of. 


 As I have mentioned previously, I struggle with control, so my inability to change my husband to 'my standards' is very difficult for me. Realizing that I do not have the power to change him has been very freeing. I am not saying that I have it all together, that I do not still occasionally go there. My husband will be the first to tell you that I do. However the freedom that I gained in this realization was exhilarating and has helped me to take a step back and re-evaluate my role. Yes, we have the power to influence our husbands but the actual changing process is our buddy, the holy spirit's job.

What that verse is telling us is that, our husbands will not always follow what the word says and we will be tempted to 'nag' (don't you hate that word!) them into conforming to the word. We are to resist this and through our lifestyle as Godly women win them over into a deeper understanding of the word of God. This post is to reassure us that, we can still be Godly wives if we do not YET have Godly husbands and if we do, we can support our husbands and help them in areas where they need further growth because let's face it; no one is perfect and being a Godly spouse is a daily walk!