Fully God

It has been awhile since I blogged, but I did not have a dull moment while I was not blogging. My position to blog as God works in my heart still holds and he has been working mightily. We have been studying the Holy Spirit at church and it has been an eye opening experience for me, however one thing that has stuck with me through the entire study has been the description of who the Holy Spirit is by our Pastor. The words "fully God" reverberated deep within me and took hold. I have always loved the Holy Spirit and pursued a love relationship with him but I never saw him as fully God, I know he is part of the trinity and that he is powerful. Intellectually I know that all are equal within the trinity but I never comprehended that he is fully God.

One of my favorite verses in the bible is Romans 8:11 and I love the King James version of this "But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you." This verse has always filled me with confidence and awe for the awesome gift that is the Spirit, but it still never dawned on me that that he is fully God.

Fully God, what does it mean? Simply that I have God living within me! OK, take a moment and let that sink in. God did not just give us a spirit to help us, he gave us his very own spirit. You may be thinking well, obviously. It is not obvious to me, it is astounding that we know this truth and yet live as powerless as we do! We go to lengths seeking God, chasing after some experience, waiting to hear an audible voice to know he is near as well as waiting on signs and wonders. These are all good and God is mighty to do all these and more, and yet a great miracle is within us! How? I have no clue. Why? Is another mystery. All I know is I am loved greatly! My father in heaven loves me so much that after he sent his son to die in my place and took him back home, he saw it fit to leave HIMSELF with me. 

The possibilities of that realization sheds light on my feeble life. I live defeated when I am victorious, powerless, when I have all power through Christ, alone, when God himself lives within me. What more do I need to KNOW that he loves me? That every aspect of my life is important to him? That he knows everything about me since he lives in me? What more do I need?

My prayer is that God will continually reveal himself to me, always revealing my heart and emptying me of all selfishness and vain ambitions. My woes, my grief, my desires, he knows them ALL. That comforts me and I hope it does the same for you. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit remain with you, now and forever.

Does God want me to be happy?

I can feel myself getting drawn into the sadness. The weight crashing down on me as I dwell on my sorrows and grief. It always happens the same way, as I take my eyes of Jesus and refocus them on myself. I have never considered myself selfish, but analyzing my thoughts, desires, woes and blessings, a selfish heart is revealed.

A question I have recently been wrestling with is, does God want me to be happy? I believe it is paradoxical.     I have an unending list of the things that I believe will make me happy but this is not necessarily true. One thing I have learned this past year is that, I cannot trust the desires of my heart or my judgement of what is good. The only thing I can trust is God's love for me. I would love to say that I have perfected contented living, but I am still a work in progress. I would love to be happy always, without grief, comfortable and have all of my desires fulfilled. However that is not what God has called me to. My life is not my own and the glory is not mine. Let's face it, God's grace gives us more than we deserve( blessings) and keeps us from getting what we deserve (punishment for our sins). Oh what a mighty God we serve!

The glory is not my own, what a humbling statement. It is true and yet we seek the glory to be ours, in our grades, clothing, celebrations, homes, our careers, marriages, our children etc. A sense of pride in these things is simply saying "Yes, I did that". A lot of the times we want success in these areas to show off. Don't get me wrong, it is good to work hard for God blesses the work of our hands. The success and blessings we receive however, should not be attributed to our efforts and we should not rob God of the glory which is his.

I have to examine my motives daily about my desire to have things and to succeed. Is it so others can view me in a certain light? Basically why do I want the things I want? Whatever the reason, the answer can be found in God. For me I know I want these things to fulfill certain needs (love, self-worth, acceptance etc), but God has already promised to fulfill each and every need (Phil 4;19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus). It may sound cliche, however the truth is not trendy but absolute.

So am I still sad? Yes. Do I have all the things I desire? No, but I have a hope. My hope is in the everlasting God and his faithfulness towards me. I believe that he that began a good work in me will see it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil 1:6). I thank God that he uses my grief to draw me nearer to himself. Thank you God for loving me.

Portrait of a Godly Wife‏, Part 4

In the last post on the Godly wife series, we were able to be a little introspective in figuring out our motivations for helping. Hopefully we can help with a servant heart and take pleasure in glorifying God by serving his beloved sons. One major way we can serve our husbands is through prayer. Although we may have a 'great' plan for how our husbands 'should' be, God has an even better plan for their life. Praying for our spouse can seem mundane, as we pray for health, safety and blessings. One area that I have found to be truly helpful and encompassing is, praying that my husband will come into better knowledge of who God is. As God works on my husband's heart, and reveals himself to him more and more he is changed into the man  God wants him to be.

Some specific areas that are important include the area of lust. I do not think women fully comprehend the battle men face daily with lust. The book of proverbs is filled with admonishments concerning turning away from lust. Proverbs 6:27-28 says "Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?" A key point of intercession is to pray for wisdom for our husbands so that they will be able to discern unharmful situations from 'hot coals'. Let us not forget that one of the age old tricks of the enemy is deception. Wisdom given by God will always be a lamp unto our feet so that we are not ensnared by the enemy.


 Another specific area is self-worth. Men love to be praised and appreciated. I am learning that I can easily demean my husband without realizing it. When I mention lack in any area of my life, my husband may take it to mean that he is not a good provider. Talking about wanting MORE of anything, may make him feel that he is not adequate. Apart from working on ourselves to be content in our blessings, we must also pray that our husbands will be secure in who they are in Christ. This acts as a shield against what the world wants them to be. This ultra male who is ambitious, works hard to provide for his family, takes over the household chores spends any extra time with his spouse and kids (mind you, none of these are bad in themselves, only as idols). And yet he is still disrespected, with jokes about the woman wearing the pants in the home and ads glorifying the uselessness of a man as his wife controls the home. The truth that I know and want to adhere to is in God's word, showing what a great responsibility he has given the husband. This role is worthy of respect and praise.


Let us pray that our husbands will find true worth in the only one who can give it. That they find it in their identity as God's beloved son. May the truth of that inheritance resound in their spirit  so that they may walk in confidence. Let us also do our part to appreciate them, show them respect in word, thought and deed and to lovingly care for them. These are just a few ways we can help our mates, please feel free to add to this in the comment section. I am so thankful to God that he continues to reveal my heart to me and who my husband is in his eyes.

War

It's been a couple of weeks since I have had the chance to blog. In the past few weeks I have had to engage in a war that several Christians are either oblivious to or choose not to engage in. I was under attack from the  enemy and I do not write this lightly. He permeated my mind with his lies and almost left me defenseless, but God in his love and mercy SAVED ME.

I am not going to say much about this topic since I am still learning. All I know is that God has called me to be a watchman, no he has called all of us to be watchmen. To stay alert and in the word so that we can wage war with the enemy when he comes steal, kill and destroy. I know that what helped me was prayer, the word of God and strong men and women of God praying for me. I am so thankful to God for the people he has put in my life to help me when I am weak and his unfailing love that saves me ALWAYS.

This trial has taught me several things; I cannot be a stagnant Christian, I cannot stand on the sidelines and expect others to pray on my behalf, God truly loves me and I must give over every aspect of my life to God. All the enemy needs is a crack to step through and wreak havoc. You can leave comments about your experience with spiritual warfare or what you think it is, so  that we can all learn and help each other grow in the faith. God truly bless you all and cause his face to shine upon you and give you peace.

Portrait of a Godly Wife‏, Part 3

This post has been very difficult for me to write because it has caused me to be introspective and examine my own helping role. During creation, God pronounced everything that he created GOOD but in Genesis 2:18 God himself  said that it was NOT GOOD for man to be alone. God then provided a helpmate for man. That idea is incredible to me because it shows that our husbands NEED us. This changes my perspective on why I feel my husband should be able to do everything on his own. The truth is he cannot do everything on his own. If he did not need me, God would not have said that it was not good for him to be alone. This revelation fills me with pride. Not negative pride in the sense that my husband is useless without me but rather that God chose me, a short, opinionated, sinful and controlling woman to meet a need in his beloved son. It then becomes a privilege to serve my God in this way.

The question then is how do I help my husband? It is important to mention here that, when God made his pronouncement he said  a helpmate SUITABLE for him. Every husband is different and needs vary, we are thus to respond appropriately. We must first examine what our husband's  needs are and then try to meet those needs as a helper. Our tendency as human beings is to do things for others that we would want to be done for us. This concept doesn't always work in marriage, so we have to careful not to miss the mark when we make the effort to be helpers.

A helper is someone who assists and contributes to the fulfillment of a goal. A helper is not a leader but rather helps the leader to fulfil the goals for the group, in this case the family unit. I know this brings about the issue of submission,  a word that has been twisted by society to be an ugly thing. We think to submit is to be tyrannically dominated. That is so far from the truth. First of all, a group with two leaders hardly gets anything done. Conflicts, pride and egos get in the way. God in his infinite wisdom provided a beautiful plan for our families that was supposed to be bring about peace not strife. He commanded the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Now how did Christ love the church? He gave up everything for the church including his life. So the next time we think we got the short end of the stick, let's take a moment to appreciate the responsibility and burden that rests on our husbands shoulders (Eph 5:22-33, NIV).

I think it is also important to mention that, our identity in Christ is an integral part of becoming Godly wives. We cannot become what we are not. Therefore we try in vain if we do not at first have a relationship with God and ask him to make our homes what he ordained them to be ( Psalm 127:1). God is so gracious that he will build up our house if we ask him. It is his will for us to live in him.


Here are some things to consider;

1. Do I view helping my husband as a privilege or burden?
2. Do I know what my husband's needs are? If you are unsure, you can always ask. For example  you can say "what could I do for you that would make you the happiest? Or how would you like me to care for you?" If you unable to get any answers for whatever reason, think back on things that you have done for  your spouse that brought them joy.
3. Also take a moment to ask God to build up your house if you have never asked him, he will surely do it!

Portrait of Godly Wife, Part 2

I am excited to post this. After Part 1 of being a Godly wife, I thought the next thing to write on would be whom exactly a Godly wife is but, alas there is something else we must cover before we move on. You see several years ago a couple of close friends and I did a study on Proverbs 31 and one of them made a poignant observation. The husband of the woman described in Proverbs 31 was seemingly a respectable and Godly man (Prov 31:23), he was well known and a leader. For many of us a man with such qualities is what we desire, but if we are striving to be Godly women it stands that our husbands are also striving to be Godly men. 


The truth is, God calls us to be Godly in spite of our husbands (1 Peter 3:1). Many of us look at that verse as winning over our unsaved husbands, but actually it can refer to any husband who is not fulfilling the Godly role that God has called him to. The part that really gets to me is where it talks about influencing our husbands without words. I heard a sermon about this recently and I was stunned! I have read over that verse several times and the phrase ".... without words"  had never resonated with me. Here is the verse in full 1 Peter 3:1; Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives (NIV).


What is the first thing we do when we 'think' that we would like to change something in our husbands? We talk to them about it. If the behavior persists, we reiterate our initial query and wait. If there is still no change, our poor coping habits rear their ugly heads. For me it is pouting, the silent treatment or going into what I call the 'superwoman' mode ( It's fine if you don't change because I don't need you to anyway, I'm strong enough to handle everything on my own). I do not know what your coping mechanisms are, but anything apart from taking it to God and leaving it with him is a SIN we must repent of. 


 As I have mentioned previously, I struggle with control, so my inability to change my husband to 'my standards' is very difficult for me. Realizing that I do not have the power to change him has been very freeing. I am not saying that I have it all together, that I do not still occasionally go there. My husband will be the first to tell you that I do. However the freedom that I gained in this realization was exhilarating and has helped me to take a step back and re-evaluate my role. Yes, we have the power to influence our husbands but the actual changing process is our buddy, the holy spirit's job.

What that verse is telling us is that, our husbands will not always follow what the word says and we will be tempted to 'nag' (don't you hate that word!) them into conforming to the word. We are to resist this and through our lifestyle as Godly women win them over into a deeper understanding of the word of God. This post is to reassure us that, we can still be Godly wives if we do not YET have Godly husbands and if we do, we can support our husbands and help them in areas where they need further growth because let's face it; no one is perfect and being a Godly spouse is a daily walk!

Portrait of a Godly Wife, Part 1

I have been reading a lot on who a Godly wife is. It is my desire to be one and to model that for my daughter, so I thought it would be a good idea to start a series on being a Godly wife as the lord works on my heart and changes it.  Please read on and feel free to comment and share revelations on who a Godly wife is and how God is working in your life in that regard.

Although there is a portrait in the bible of who a godly woman is (Prov. 31) I still wasn't sure who a Godly wife should be. Going in, I had several things going against me, first my expectations of who my husband should be and second, who I am as a wife. These two roles are influenced by the husband and wife roles I modeled as a child. If you were to ask me this a year ago, I would have denied that my parent's relationship influenced mine in anyway. Truth is it did, whether I acknowledge it or not. I am like my mother in many ways, strong, ambitious and hardworking. That coupled with my own controlling, perfectionist personality can be a lot to handle.

I am a take charge, get it done kind of person. I usually have a solution to a problem before I bring it up for discussion. On top of that I grew up in a home where my mother was the spiritual head of the home and she raised me accordingly. Fast forward to marriage life and I take the reigns in my own marriage in subtle ways, under the guise of  'helping'. In my mind, my way was better, so were my ideas and my expectations were reasonable.

All I did was focus on what my husband was either not doing my way or not doing at all. He did the dishes wrong so that they still had stains on them, he didn't pick his clothes up right away or wipe off the counter immediately when he spilled something. The list of things I found to gripe about is endless. This led to nagging and making him feel like he could never do anything right. I know what you are thinking, what a terrible wife! You are right in that assertion, it was my sin and I had to confess it and ask for forgiveness. It is so easy to fall into cursing him instead of blessing him though.

You may be thinking, isn't cursing him a bit much? No, not really when we consider some of the things we say about our husbands. Any sentence that begins with "You never.. " Or "You always..." and ends in negativity is a curse. I had to pray and release my husband of all the curses I had spoken into his life and bless him instead. I try to bless him daily. I say " my husband in a strong man of God and I bless him to come into better knowledge of who God is", "my husband is a loving father and a hardworking provider for our family". Initially it felt weird saying some of the blessings because some of them did not feel true, but what happened was, it opened a gateway of prayer for my husband.

If I had relied on my feelings alone, I would not have been able to pray for my husband as I should. Blessing him, opened my eyes to how God sees him. It also opened my eyes to who God truly wanted me to be in his life. I am to be his helpmate, a helper, made to be suitable for him. (Gen 2:18)

Abide With Me

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide;
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.


This past Tuesday was my angel baby Natalie's first birthday. I had been dreading it since the beginning of the year, I knew it would be a hard day and I was prepared to be left in shambles by the day's end. However God's infinite grace upheld me. Amidst text messages, calls and emails I was surrounded by so much love from my friends and family. I am so thankful to God who used everyone around me to make that day bearable.


We decided to have a picnic to celebrate her birthday. I made her a cake and since Hailey insisted it was her birthday too, I made her one as well. My Hailey-Angel gave me all the love my heart and empty arms were aching for. With her "I love you mama" and "don't cry mommy" she soothed my pain.  My husband was ready to catch me should I fall that day, watching me ever so attentively and lovingly. A friend blessed me with a painting of my angel so I would have an image of her that day. Truly, I am blessed. God himself held me that day and had his angels flank me on all sides.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness;
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.


I did not think I would make it through that day, but here I sit to tell it all. With a heart of thankfulness to my savior who heard my humble cry and answered me in a mighty way that only he can. Thank you lord for your undeserving love and grace that you bestow on me.


I need Thy presence every passing hour;
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s pow’r?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me

Simple but hard

My husband and I watched a movie recently that really made an impact on me. One thing that stood out is a quote from the movie. "Following God is simple, God loves you completely and so you must love others. God sacrificed for you so you must sacrifice everything". Loving others seems easy enough but sacrificing everything is where we often trip up. We are so fleshly selfish that it goes against our very basic flesh to sacrifice for others. If you do not think you are a selfish in the flesh, take a moment to think about one day in your life and think about all the thoughts you have and all the things you do geared towards getting what you want.

Many of us live in a "me" world, and it is not necessarily stepping on others to get what we want, it is just that we want what we want, our desires, dreams etc. That is the me world we live in. We often say, what is wrong with me working hard to get what I want? The immediate answer by the world's standard would be, nothing. However, this life is not our own, our purpose is not to fulfill all our desires. It is to serve our heavenly father in whatever he calls us to. I know this is a hard thing in our day when we have turned God into a slot machine.  By loving, we do not live for ourselves but others, when we truly love others as Christ loves the church, our love becomes sacrificial. We know the "love verse" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) by rote but we do not really live it. It is not just a verse for our partners, it is a verse for all people.  We cannot live it out, in and of our selves, but as we allow Christ to live through us it becomes a reality. He is truly the vine and we the branches, apart from him, we cannot live.

So can I truly love others in a sacrificial way? Yes by dying daily to the self. The beautiful thing is that God's grace is ever so sufficient. Oh how he loves us! I am so glad that when he died on that fateful day, my past, present and future were before him. He saw it all and still chose to die in my place, what a mighty and loving God we serve! He is eternally good and he love me this much, how can I then stumble in this life? I cannot for he is eternally with me. Psalm 139, 1-18.

Changes

It has actually been almost four years since my last post ( I know, WOW!). In those years, I have had 2 children, one beautiful angel on earth and another in Heaven. I guess the latter is the motivation behind my need to blog once more. To see all that God has done and is doing in WORDS.

I am at a point where I know God wants me to trust him with every aspect of my life. With my dreams, marriage, children, grief , everything! This is not easy for me because I love to be in control. I am constantly figuring out the solutions to things. There are however somethings that I cannot fix and God is using those things to build a deeper more intimate relationship with him. Is it easy giving up the controlling tendencies? Definitely not! But I am learning to go to him first before going to my 'well of wisdom'.

You see God loves us so much that we CAN trust him. That is the key thing for me. He is not a man that he should lie (Num 23:19) and he has said and shown me through the cross that yes he does love me! His love envelopes me constantly, meeting me in my every need. You know Andrae Crouch was sooo right when he said the blood NEVER loses its power!