A day of thanksgiving

I woke  up today feeling like just any other day. Spent some time with my daughter coloring, learning letters and just enjoying being with her. Then I came across a post that said God is good. It is a phrase we say and hear all the time, but for some reason, it hit me to my very core this morning. YES, GOD is GOOD. He has been sooo good to me that the words thank you do not fully demonstrate my appreciation. I feel like shouting it for all to hear, YES GOD is GOOD.

I look back on my life and realize I have lacked NOTHING. He made all provision for me, he really did. When I was blind to his goodness and grace  he still held me close, loving me, providing for me, protecting me. I have learned that is easier to thank him when things are going well, when he is providing us with our hearts desires. It becomes a little more difficult to see his goodness in brokenness. Oh how he has loved me when I was down and completely broken. Catching every tear shed, soothing my sorrow and giving me the peace only he can give.

I am so thankful that he loved me first, that he deemed me worthy to breathe life into me. To be born into a family full of love and faith in him. Thankful for all the truth he continually reveals to me. Most importantly thankful that his son Jesus died  in my place for ALL my sins, past, present and future. What shall I say unto you Oh my God, for your everlasting faithfulness and kindness? Words are not enough, hear the song of my heart and the praise of my spirit this day. Take a moment to thank him today, for YES, HE IS GOOD!!!

Portrait of Godly Wife, Part 5

I have been doing a lot of introspection these past couple of months. I have prayed and asked God to open the eyes of my heart so that I may see the iniquity that is within. He has brought so many things to light and for that I am very thankful. It is amazing how we accept the identities we have built for ourselves. The truth is any identity not founded in Christ is fallible. It is important to examine my idea of who I am because it colors my identity as a wife and mother.

I consider myself a strong woman and I have taken pride in that, I have also placed a lot of value in my achievements, be it academically, career wise, a homemaker, wife, mother, Christian etc. Excelling in all these areas has been very important to me. These expectations and my belief in thinking that I knew what was best, has caused me to sin against God and the people I love. I have flaunted my well thought out plans before God, questioned him incessantly about the paths he puts before me. I have undermined my husband's role as head of our home with my "know it all" attitude. The human heart is so deceitful that it justifies our sin to us.

I justified that if God knew me before I was born, if he had empowered me with his spirit, then I could do ALL things. Yes, at every turn I used MY effort, My intelligence, MY tenacity to trudge on in life. With one hand I would pat myself on the back and with the other praise God for the wisdom and strength he had given me so I could be as AWESOME as possible. I sought to control God and everything around me because I had carved out the perfect course for my life and with the power he had given me, I could have it ALL.

Not . So. I didn't know that I had to surrender and let Him live through me. I thought I had to live and he would help me along. The fallacy in the latter is that I am still using my effort. When he lives through me, I am abased so he can be gloried.  For me I find that a lot of my actions and controlling nature stems from distrust. If I can control, then outcome is guaranteed. There is no need to trust another if I have all the control.

I cannot become a Godly wife with this attitude, the expectations I set will forever be beyond my reach if God is not living through me. I want to be a wife molded by God just for my husband not my idea of who I think a wife should be. In order to do this, I must let go of my identity in Tsotsoo and hold fast to my identity in Christ.. My prayer is that  My beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of my inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. (1 Peter 3:4-5)

Fully God

It has been awhile since I blogged, but I did not have a dull moment while I was not blogging. My position to blog as God works in my heart still holds and he has been working mightily. We have been studying the Holy Spirit at church and it has been an eye opening experience for me, however one thing that has stuck with me through the entire study has been the description of who the Holy Spirit is by our Pastor. The words "fully God" reverberated deep within me and took hold. I have always loved the Holy Spirit and pursued a love relationship with him but I never saw him as fully God, I know he is part of the trinity and that he is powerful. Intellectually I know that all are equal within the trinity but I never comprehended that he is fully God.

One of my favorite verses in the bible is Romans 8:11 and I love the King James version of this "But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you." This verse has always filled me with confidence and awe for the awesome gift that is the Spirit, but it still never dawned on me that that he is fully God.

Fully God, what does it mean? Simply that I have God living within me! OK, take a moment and let that sink in. God did not just give us a spirit to help us, he gave us his very own spirit. You may be thinking well, obviously. It is not obvious to me, it is astounding that we know this truth and yet live as powerless as we do! We go to lengths seeking God, chasing after some experience, waiting to hear an audible voice to know he is near as well as waiting on signs and wonders. These are all good and God is mighty to do all these and more, and yet a great miracle is within us! How? I have no clue. Why? Is another mystery. All I know is I am loved greatly! My father in heaven loves me so much that after he sent his son to die in my place and took him back home, he saw it fit to leave HIMSELF with me. 

The possibilities of that realization sheds light on my feeble life. I live defeated when I am victorious, powerless, when I have all power through Christ, alone, when God himself lives within me. What more do I need to KNOW that he loves me? That every aspect of my life is important to him? That he knows everything about me since he lives in me? What more do I need?

My prayer is that God will continually reveal himself to me, always revealing my heart and emptying me of all selfishness and vain ambitions. My woes, my grief, my desires, he knows them ALL. That comforts me and I hope it does the same for you. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit remain with you, now and forever.

Does God want me to be happy?

I can feel myself getting drawn into the sadness. The weight crashing down on me as I dwell on my sorrows and grief. It always happens the same way, as I take my eyes of Jesus and refocus them on myself. I have never considered myself selfish, but analyzing my thoughts, desires, woes and blessings, a selfish heart is revealed.

A question I have recently been wrestling with is, does God want me to be happy? I believe it is paradoxical.     I have an unending list of the things that I believe will make me happy but this is not necessarily true. One thing I have learned this past year is that, I cannot trust the desires of my heart or my judgement of what is good. The only thing I can trust is God's love for me. I would love to say that I have perfected contented living, but I am still a work in progress. I would love to be happy always, without grief, comfortable and have all of my desires fulfilled. However that is not what God has called me to. My life is not my own and the glory is not mine. Let's face it, God's grace gives us more than we deserve( blessings) and keeps us from getting what we deserve (punishment for our sins). Oh what a mighty God we serve!

The glory is not my own, what a humbling statement. It is true and yet we seek the glory to be ours, in our grades, clothing, celebrations, homes, our careers, marriages, our children etc. A sense of pride in these things is simply saying "Yes, I did that". A lot of the times we want success in these areas to show off. Don't get me wrong, it is good to work hard for God blesses the work of our hands. The success and blessings we receive however, should not be attributed to our efforts and we should not rob God of the glory which is his.

I have to examine my motives daily about my desire to have things and to succeed. Is it so others can view me in a certain light? Basically why do I want the things I want? Whatever the reason, the answer can be found in God. For me I know I want these things to fulfill certain needs (love, self-worth, acceptance etc), but God has already promised to fulfill each and every need (Phil 4;19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus). It may sound cliche, however the truth is not trendy but absolute.

So am I still sad? Yes. Do I have all the things I desire? No, but I have a hope. My hope is in the everlasting God and his faithfulness towards me. I believe that he that began a good work in me will see it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil 1:6). I thank God that he uses my grief to draw me nearer to himself. Thank you God for loving me.

Portrait of a Godly Wife‏, Part 4

In the last post on the Godly wife series, we were able to be a little introspective in figuring out our motivations for helping. Hopefully we can help with a servant heart and take pleasure in glorifying God by serving his beloved sons. One major way we can serve our husbands is through prayer. Although we may have a 'great' plan for how our husbands 'should' be, God has an even better plan for their life. Praying for our spouse can seem mundane, as we pray for health, safety and blessings. One area that I have found to be truly helpful and encompassing is, praying that my husband will come into better knowledge of who God is. As God works on my husband's heart, and reveals himself to him more and more he is changed into the man  God wants him to be.

Some specific areas that are important include the area of lust. I do not think women fully comprehend the battle men face daily with lust. The book of proverbs is filled with admonishments concerning turning away from lust. Proverbs 6:27-28 says "Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?" A key point of intercession is to pray for wisdom for our husbands so that they will be able to discern unharmful situations from 'hot coals'. Let us not forget that one of the age old tricks of the enemy is deception. Wisdom given by God will always be a lamp unto our feet so that we are not ensnared by the enemy.


 Another specific area is self-worth. Men love to be praised and appreciated. I am learning that I can easily demean my husband without realizing it. When I mention lack in any area of my life, my husband may take it to mean that he is not a good provider. Talking about wanting MORE of anything, may make him feel that he is not adequate. Apart from working on ourselves to be content in our blessings, we must also pray that our husbands will be secure in who they are in Christ. This acts as a shield against what the world wants them to be. This ultra male who is ambitious, works hard to provide for his family, takes over the household chores spends any extra time with his spouse and kids (mind you, none of these are bad in themselves, only as idols). And yet he is still disrespected, with jokes about the woman wearing the pants in the home and ads glorifying the uselessness of a man as his wife controls the home. The truth that I know and want to adhere to is in God's word, showing what a great responsibility he has given the husband. This role is worthy of respect and praise.


Let us pray that our husbands will find true worth in the only one who can give it. That they find it in their identity as God's beloved son. May the truth of that inheritance resound in their spirit  so that they may walk in confidence. Let us also do our part to appreciate them, show them respect in word, thought and deed and to lovingly care for them. These are just a few ways we can help our mates, please feel free to add to this in the comment section. I am so thankful to God that he continues to reveal my heart to me and who my husband is in his eyes.

War

It's been a couple of weeks since I have had the chance to blog. In the past few weeks I have had to engage in a war that several Christians are either oblivious to or choose not to engage in. I was under attack from the  enemy and I do not write this lightly. He permeated my mind with his lies and almost left me defenseless, but God in his love and mercy SAVED ME.

I am not going to say much about this topic since I am still learning. All I know is that God has called me to be a watchman, no he has called all of us to be watchmen. To stay alert and in the word so that we can wage war with the enemy when he comes steal, kill and destroy. I know that what helped me was prayer, the word of God and strong men and women of God praying for me. I am so thankful to God for the people he has put in my life to help me when I am weak and his unfailing love that saves me ALWAYS.

This trial has taught me several things; I cannot be a stagnant Christian, I cannot stand on the sidelines and expect others to pray on my behalf, God truly loves me and I must give over every aspect of my life to God. All the enemy needs is a crack to step through and wreak havoc. You can leave comments about your experience with spiritual warfare or what you think it is, so  that we can all learn and help each other grow in the faith. God truly bless you all and cause his face to shine upon you and give you peace.

Portrait of a Godly Wife‏, Part 3

This post has been very difficult for me to write because it has caused me to be introspective and examine my own helping role. During creation, God pronounced everything that he created GOOD but in Genesis 2:18 God himself  said that it was NOT GOOD for man to be alone. God then provided a helpmate for man. That idea is incredible to me because it shows that our husbands NEED us. This changes my perspective on why I feel my husband should be able to do everything on his own. The truth is he cannot do everything on his own. If he did not need me, God would not have said that it was not good for him to be alone. This revelation fills me with pride. Not negative pride in the sense that my husband is useless without me but rather that God chose me, a short, opinionated, sinful and controlling woman to meet a need in his beloved son. It then becomes a privilege to serve my God in this way.

The question then is how do I help my husband? It is important to mention here that, when God made his pronouncement he said  a helpmate SUITABLE for him. Every husband is different and needs vary, we are thus to respond appropriately. We must first examine what our husband's  needs are and then try to meet those needs as a helper. Our tendency as human beings is to do things for others that we would want to be done for us. This concept doesn't always work in marriage, so we have to careful not to miss the mark when we make the effort to be helpers.

A helper is someone who assists and contributes to the fulfillment of a goal. A helper is not a leader but rather helps the leader to fulfil the goals for the group, in this case the family unit. I know this brings about the issue of submission,  a word that has been twisted by society to be an ugly thing. We think to submit is to be tyrannically dominated. That is so far from the truth. First of all, a group with two leaders hardly gets anything done. Conflicts, pride and egos get in the way. God in his infinite wisdom provided a beautiful plan for our families that was supposed to be bring about peace not strife. He commanded the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Now how did Christ love the church? He gave up everything for the church including his life. So the next time we think we got the short end of the stick, let's take a moment to appreciate the responsibility and burden that rests on our husbands shoulders (Eph 5:22-33, NIV).

I think it is also important to mention that, our identity in Christ is an integral part of becoming Godly wives. We cannot become what we are not. Therefore we try in vain if we do not at first have a relationship with God and ask him to make our homes what he ordained them to be ( Psalm 127:1). God is so gracious that he will build up our house if we ask him. It is his will for us to live in him.


Here are some things to consider;

1. Do I view helping my husband as a privilege or burden?
2. Do I know what my husband's needs are? If you are unsure, you can always ask. For example  you can say "what could I do for you that would make you the happiest? Or how would you like me to care for you?" If you unable to get any answers for whatever reason, think back on things that you have done for  your spouse that brought them joy.
3. Also take a moment to ask God to build up your house if you have never asked him, he will surely do it!