This post has been very difficult for me to write because it has caused me to be introspective and examine my own helping role. During creation, God pronounced everything that he created GOOD but in Genesis 2:18 God himself said that it was NOT GOOD for man to be alone. God then provided a helpmate for man. That idea is incredible to me because it shows that our husbands NEED us. This changes my perspective on why I feel my husband should be able to do everything on his own. The truth is he cannot do everything on his own. If he did not need me, God would not have said that it was not good for him to be alone. This revelation fills me with pride. Not negative pride in the sense that my husband is useless without me but rather that God chose me, a short, opinionated, sinful and controlling woman to meet a need in his beloved son. It then becomes a privilege to serve my God in this way.
The question then is how do I help my husband? It is important to mention here that, when God made his pronouncement he said a helpmate SUITABLE for him. Every husband is different and needs vary, we are thus to respond appropriately. We must first examine what our husband's needs are and then try to meet those needs as a helper. Our tendency as human beings is to do things for others that we would want to be done for us. This concept doesn't always work in marriage, so we have to careful not to miss the mark when we make the effort to be helpers.
A helper is someone who assists and contributes to the fulfillment of a goal. A helper is not a leader but rather helps the leader to fulfil the goals for the group, in this case the family unit. I know this brings about the issue of submission, a word that has been twisted by society to be an ugly thing. We think to submit is to be tyrannically dominated. That is so far from the truth. First of all, a group with two leaders hardly gets anything done. Conflicts, pride and egos get in the way. God in his infinite wisdom provided a beautiful plan for our families that was supposed to be bring about peace not strife. He commanded the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Now how did Christ love the church? He gave up everything for the church including his life. So the next time we think we got the short end of the stick, let's take a moment to appreciate the responsibility and burden that rests on our husbands shoulders (Eph 5:22-33, NIV).
I think it is also important to mention that, our identity in Christ is an integral part of becoming Godly wives. We cannot become what we are not. Therefore we try in vain if we do not at first have a relationship with God and ask him to make our homes what he ordained them to be ( Psalm 127:1). God is so gracious that he will build up our house if we ask him. It is his will for us to live in him.
Here are some things to consider;
1. Do I view helping my husband as a privilege or burden?
2. Do I know what my husband's needs are? If you are unsure, you can always ask. For example you can say "what could I do for you that would make you the happiest? Or how would you like me to care for you?" If you unable to get any answers for whatever reason, think back on things that you have done for your spouse that brought them joy.
3. Also take a moment to ask God to build up your house if you have never asked him, he will surely do it!
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