Does God want me to be happy?

I can feel myself getting drawn into the sadness. The weight crashing down on me as I dwell on my sorrows and grief. It always happens the same way, as I take my eyes of Jesus and refocus them on myself. I have never considered myself selfish, but analyzing my thoughts, desires, woes and blessings, a selfish heart is revealed.

A question I have recently been wrestling with is, does God want me to be happy? I believe it is paradoxical.     I have an unending list of the things that I believe will make me happy but this is not necessarily true. One thing I have learned this past year is that, I cannot trust the desires of my heart or my judgement of what is good. The only thing I can trust is God's love for me. I would love to say that I have perfected contented living, but I am still a work in progress. I would love to be happy always, without grief, comfortable and have all of my desires fulfilled. However that is not what God has called me to. My life is not my own and the glory is not mine. Let's face it, God's grace gives us more than we deserve( blessings) and keeps us from getting what we deserve (punishment for our sins). Oh what a mighty God we serve!

The glory is not my own, what a humbling statement. It is true and yet we seek the glory to be ours, in our grades, clothing, celebrations, homes, our careers, marriages, our children etc. A sense of pride in these things is simply saying "Yes, I did that". A lot of the times we want success in these areas to show off. Don't get me wrong, it is good to work hard for God blesses the work of our hands. The success and blessings we receive however, should not be attributed to our efforts and we should not rob God of the glory which is his.

I have to examine my motives daily about my desire to have things and to succeed. Is it so others can view me in a certain light? Basically why do I want the things I want? Whatever the reason, the answer can be found in God. For me I know I want these things to fulfill certain needs (love, self-worth, acceptance etc), but God has already promised to fulfill each and every need (Phil 4;19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus). It may sound cliche, however the truth is not trendy but absolute.

So am I still sad? Yes. Do I have all the things I desire? No, but I have a hope. My hope is in the everlasting God and his faithfulness towards me. I believe that he that began a good work in me will see it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil 1:6). I thank God that he uses my grief to draw me nearer to himself. Thank you God for loving me.